The Further Adventures of Deluzy

156.8

This morning's unofficial weight was 156.8 -- which, given that my goal/maintenance weight is 159 or lower, is a hell of an improvement over my high of just over a week ago of 166.4!

Intellectually I knew that a lasting gain of 10 "real" pounds in about a week and a half was virtually impossible -- but I have a lifetime's experience with morbid obesity and only 8 months' experience with maintaining, so I really have to build up my trust in myself, my body, and my ability not simply to hit goal but to maintain it for the rest of my life.

As I've written before, there's just too much at stake -- my health and my life -- to do anything else.

I. Am. Not. Going. Back.

(Oh, and I was warm last night.  Got a little sweaty in the wee hours, but that's just a matter of my selecting the right setting for me on the electric blanket. I'll figure it out.)

The eagle has landed ...

Translation: I dug out the twin-sized electric blanket and put it on my side of the bed -- on top of the light blanket and under the quilt that are already there.

I moved the heating pad downstairs next to my comfy chair in the living room, where I often feel chilly as well.

("Chilly"?  Did I write "chilly"?  How about freezingfuckingcold?!)

If I stay warm through the night without breaking into a sweat, I shall consider this a solution and wonder why I didn't do it long ago.

Rise and shine

In general, on the days that I teach a morning class, I sit down to my desk at home at 5 a.m. The early start helps me get organized and ease into the day, and that's more important to me (on those days) than toasting myself in bed (which I dearly love doing).

But today I got up at 4:15 a.m.  That's a tad early. It means I'll be getting through the afternoon on caffeine fumes, despite my recent resolution to cut back.

I had trouble sleeping last night and into the wee hours, and this time it was about temperature control.  My husband and I are wildly incompatible when it comes to heat, or lack thereof.  He dearly loves being on the border of cold:  he dresses in thermal and fleece layers, wears a fleece cap in the house (he has less hair than he used to, and it does help keep him warm), and he truly adores being able to see his breath, even.  He's like a hibernating bear:  he sleeps most soundly when he's wrapped up snug and tight, with him warm in bed but the air frigid outside the covers (our bedroom temperature averages around 62 degrees at night --  window wide open, fan above our bed spinning).

I, on the other hand, shiver under such conditions and am absofuckinglutely miserable. I've been sleeping with a heating pad, but in the middle of the night that small area of heat is so  concentrated that I wake up sweaty -- and then immediately start to shiver from the dampness of my pajamas or nightgown (no, these aren't biological hot flashes, by the way), and that just makes things worse.

He and I have always been very different in this respect, but now it's absurd: he must have it cold , and given my recent weight loss, I'm now miserable unless I'm warm.  We really do have different requirements in order to get some quality sleep.  I've been pretty accommodating, going on the theory that it's easier to get warmer than it is to cool off, but really, it's time to take care of my own side of things a little more effectively.

The obvious answer is an electric blanket with dual controls, though I kind of hate the feel of the wires.  Or perhaps I'll just haul out the twin-sized electric blanket we already have and put it only on my side of the bed, because my husband will turn on his side of an electric blanket ... well, never.  Not even when hell freezes over.

Yes, when I get home from campus this afternoon, I think I may change the sheets, put on the new set of cranberry-colored jersy sheets that my sister gave me for my birthday, and hook up the electric blanket we already own.

I should sleep better tonight.

Career type

Okay, here's news -- not. 

But what does "realistic career" mean?  Apparently an example would be a truck driver or a farmer, and evidently it's good I'm not either.

(And why the hell am I even moved to post such a question, inspired as it is by some random, computerized generator of memes?!)

Your Career Type: Social

You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy. Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems. You would make an excellent: Counselor - Dental Hygienist - Librarian Nurse - Parole Officer - Personal Trainer Physical Therapist - Social Worker - Teacher The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Sometimes work pays off

Work work and head work, I mean.

i sat down to my desk at 5 .m. to tweak a lecture for a class I've taught before but that I'm rethinking in light of some teaching approaches and assignments that I've adapted (and adopted) from my office mate. She's taught at this university for over a decade and knows what works what doesn't for the students here, whereas I still often teach from my own experience an undergraduate many years ago at a very different kind of university.

The tweaking didn't involve all that much effort -- but I think it's one of the reasons class went so well this morning. I had a good time, and I think the students did as well.  It's early days in the semester, of course, and disenchantment and fatigue will set in on both sides, no doubt -- but today, at least, was a pleasure.

On the head front, I wouldn't say that my work there has paid off in my being able to trust myself, my body, and my weight in the ways that I'd like to -- but I am down 3.2 pounds from last week's official weigh-in (and 6.4 pounds from the screaming high of 166.4 that I'd hit between then and now).

One more pound and I'll be back at goal. Two more and I'll be "safely" under it.

I never thought a pound -- or 2 or 3 or 5 -- could possibly make  difference to me when I was morbidly obese. I also found it wildly irritating -- offensive, even -- when others would moan about such small fluctuations in weight.

And now I've joined that club that I never wanted to be part of.

I will say that for me it's about 1 part vanity to 9 parts control:  I did not have organs removed, my digestive tract radically altered, and my nutrition compromised for the rest of my natural life not to reach and stay at or below goal.  Period.  I fought too long, too hard, and went through too much shit to get there to let it slip away from me now.  And if that means being a Control Freak in order to stay at goal, all right then.  I'm a Control Freak.

(But we knew that anyway.)

Happpy birthday to me :)

It's mid-morning here and it's been a lovely, quiet birthday so far.

I slept in.  (That right there makes it fabulous.)

And when I came downstairs, our kitties greeted me.  Before I could do anything else, I had to give the little orange tabby brothers their morning treat of fish (how the hell did that little custom get started? Oh yeah -- I'm using food to bribe them into loving me).

And then I had to pet the other two and make much of them so that they woudn't feel neglected.

Then my husband made me coffee and presented me with a veritable bag o' gifts.  I don't know what got into him this year -- we usually have modest, sensible birthdays -- but the man went all out.

• Flowers (he knows they're mandatory on my birthday, Valentine's Day, and our anniversary)
• One of my favorite perfumes
• A film reference book I'd been wanting
• A DVD of one of my favorite films that I don't yet own
• A ring from Tiffany (no, not a rock, folks -- just a simple, braided silver band that looks nice with my wedding rings)
• And last but not least, a gorgeous 22" LCD Samsung desktop monitor for the computer in my study (that's the gift I knew I was getting, and so I was stunned that he'd trotted out other items as well)

The monitor is beautiful, I have to say, and man, does it make life easier on my middle-aged eyes.  I spend so much time at my computer working that this is really going to help -- and I daresay part of it is tax-deductible for that reason.

Cards, calls, and emails have already appeared, and later this afternoon, my husband and I will go out for a low-key meal.  Then it's a few hours of work for me to prepare for the coming week.

But given  my new monitor, they'll be a pleasure! ;)

A propos of nothing

Every time I see Donna Brazile in her capacity as a Democratic commentator on CNN (can you tell I'm watching the South Carolina primary returns right now?), I'm absolutely blown away by something really superficial.

The woman has the most beautiful skin I've ever seen.

This photo doesn't do it justice.  None of the photos I found in my quick search just now does.

It's simply -- luminous. Glowing. 

She looks great, period.

Yeah, she's smart and articulate and successful and all of those more important things.

But my mouth just kind of falls open when I see her because her complexion is just so pretty.

Okay, so I'm superficial.

A pat on the back

That's what I'm giving myself for revising and completing my section of a departmental report that I was told only at the last minute needed to be done.  (I'm not made out of money, and I'm not made out of time, people: thanks for the eleventh-hour notification!)

It's not perfect, but it's better than nothing (which is what my colleagues had for this section before), and I managed not to obsess about it but to get the task done in the finite amount of time I'd allotted to it (i.e., this afternoon).

This means that I can relax this evening and read a book or something.  I figure between writing this section and spending this morning doing some household tasks, I've earned it.

Tomorrow I have to prep for class and probably I need to do the same for a couple of faculty meetings set for Monday as well. Though I need to tweak my lectures and assignments a little, I'm not running the meetings, so work tomorrow shouldn't be too arduous.

Which is a good thing -- because tomorrow is my birthday. 47. All I have to say is, my 40s have improved upon my life a thousand-fold, compared to my 20s and 30s, so at this point my birthdays are occasions for genuine, if quiet, celebration on my part as well as profound gratitude.  There was a protracted period in my life when I didn't want to live long enough to celebrate another birthday, ever, and so the difference between Then and Now is not one I take for granted.

Pewter hearts

I love these and am going to share them with a few friends to use as "anchors" to help ground each of us to our feelings and keep us on track emotionally -- however each of us defines "on track."

(I know -- I really am just so Californian!)

I'm keeping either the first or fourth one from the left, though -- for my own anchor (of which I have a number, at this point in my life, each geared toward something slightly different)! :)

Borrowing blog bling

I stole this from Sharon.  As near as I can tell, it's a profile based on absolutely no information (and it changes each time you input your name) -- but the graphic is cute!

(Um, the "friendship" part is probably right.  "Sweetness"?  Harumph.  "Glamour"?  I snorted at that one, so there's your answer right there.  "Slyness"?  When I'm lucky.)

The Recipe For Deluzy

3 parts Friendship 2 parts Sweetness 1 part Glamour Splash of Slyness Finish off with a squeeze of lime juice

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?