The Further Adventures of Deluzy

Are you stressed?

The photograph described below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at  St. Mary's Hospital.

The dolphins are exactly the same. However, A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that in spite of this, a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins. The  more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more  stress that person is experiencing.

Examine the photograph carefully. If you find more than one or two differences you may want to take a vacation. (Click here for photo.)

159.6

0.6 above goal.  Creeping downward from a recent high of 162.8.

Yup, I'm going to have to Watch My Weight for the rest of my life -- and I knew that going into the duodenal switch.  One of the more irritating things I used to read on DS discussion boards were folks who believed that the DS would give them license to eat whatever they wanted.

I do believe that, in general, the duodenal switch is the most powerful form of WLS currently available in terms of 1) the greatest amount of excess body weight lost and maintained over time; 2) the reversal of Type II diabetes; 3) allowing the greatest flexibility of amount and kinds of foods that one can eat. The data in JAMA and other medical journals all bear this out: I did my research, inside and outside the bariatric communities, and that's why I chose the DS.  The stats for these categories in terms of gastric bypass and lap band are good and okay, respectively (ironically, the lap band has gotten a lot of press recently for its ability to reverse Type II diabetes, but its stats for that are still not nearly as good as those for the DS), and that's why I selected the form of surgery I did. 

(Caveat emptor:  surgery is not for everyone, and if you've determined it's your choice, then you need to pick the surgery that's right for you. Each form has its advantages and disadvantages. As with most things in life, one size does not fit all.)

BUT.

But eventually the window of easy weight-loss closes, even with the DS. Eventually losses slow and stop.  Eventually old habits and tastes tend to creep back into your routine -- and then you'll have to monitor yourself.

Also -- and this is important --  if you haven't done the head work and psychological investigation of why you ate to excess before and the extent to which your food issues were tied to emotional issues, they'll surface and bite you in the ass. Hard.  Those don't go away with weight loss, if they were there to begin with.  Trust me. Trust Jen.  My own ass would be very sore right now if I hadn't had 8 -- yes, 8! -- years of psychotherapy in my 20s-30s.  As it is, I still have bouts of emotional eating, and I still trip out playing the Scale-and-Mirror Mind Fuck game.

Eventually you will want those Girl Scout cookies again, even though sweets may have had no appeal in the first 6-9 months after surgery.  Or you'll want the bread. Or whatever.  And you can have them --  but if you eat them to excess, you'll  gain weight. Period.

And that's okay -- because the DS is still an extraordinarily powerful tool.  Cut back on carbs, increase your protein, add a little more activity -- and your weight will drop. Relatively quickly and efficiently. And that's a gift because the immediate weight loss reenforces those positive habits in ways that I just didn't experience pre-WLS.

Just understand the gift going into it, if you possibly can, and do what it takes to get ready for it.

Er ...

I found them.  The papers.  Stacked neatly on my desk in my office.

I found the blue canvas bag, too, hanging from its customary hook. Also in my office.

Jesus. I'm so over-extended and harried that I can't keep even the simplest things -- especially the simplest things -- in my head. My brain is clearly on overload.

I did use a chunk of this morning's time freed up by my canceling class to type up a memo and assemble various files for my grad assistant.  He can grade the 110 exercises that came into today and yesterday and input all the assigment grades into the spreadsheets that I've formatted for him.

Meanwhile, I'll work on grading these damn Once-Were-Lost-and-Now-They're-Found papers, using them as excuses to take mini-breaks from constructing the conference presentation that I still haven't prepared.  I've got Friday through Wednesday to get that done, not counting Monday when I have to be on campus. Five days.  It should be possible to construct a less-than-20-minute presentation in that span of time.

On other fronts, my weight's creeping down again, but it's still above goal.  Grrr.

Stress-induced brain fade

So -- somewhere on my way out of the building last night (or possibly on a bench on the street), I set down a canvas bag full of ungraded papers for one of my classes -- and by the time I realized I didn't have it any longer, I was already home.

I raced back to campus at 10 p.m.  Not on the bench outside the building, not in the main office.

Gone.

My best hope is that someone took it for safekeeping from wherever I left it to turn it in to the department today. I mean, who wants 70 student papers?  (I certainly don't, and yes, I know Freud would have something to say about how this event came to pass. He'd be right, too.)

If I don't recover them, fuck it.  The students are getting default As on that assignment.  But I'd like to find them because the larger issue is that the students need feedback on that paper in order to improve their work for a longer, more significant assignment later in the term.

What a frightmare my workload has become.  February and March are always the toughest months for me, but I admit that this year I'm feeling pretty oppressed and not very jolly about it all.

On that note, I'd best dive into grading some assignments I didn't lose, since I cancelled a morning class today in order to be able to do so.

Wrassling me some time

Okay, I'm really trying to be very zen and balanced about this time management shit, but I have to say that some things are simply not going to get done very well -- and they wouldn't, even if I were able (and wanted) to devote myself to each of them 24/7.

Some things come up over which I have little control. Yesterday afternoon an ad hoc meeting was called for today to address pressing issues related to the search for a new chair. Gotta be there, despite the fact that I have 69 exercises to grade by 6 p.m. tonight when the class meets and I'd planned to spend the entire day dealing with those.. 

Will I get them all done?  Hard to say. Won't know until 6 p.m. rolls around. I'll do my best -- that's all I can do. And that will have to be good enough.

Same thing goes for weight.  I'm a few pounds above goal at the moment. Culprit? Night-time carb stress-eating.   Cut out those carbs and the weight will drop, guaranteed. It's a pity all I really want to do is waltz into the sunset with a baguette and some butter, however (particularly as those bread carbs can lead to really stinky gas!). I'm going to have to strike some kind of balance here.

I have to confess it's a real head game, too: at 2.2 pounds over goal, what I see in the mirror differs dramatically from what I see when I'm at or below goal -- even though, realistically speaking, I know that the difference is imperceptible to others. I figure this is a glimpse of the body dysmorphia that comes with the territory of bulimia or anorexia nervosa. I don't suffer from either -- but this gives me a visceral peek into what living in my head might feel like if I did.

Okay, well, knowing that, I think 1) I'll have a protein shake to make sure my protein is in the daily 90+ grams range -- which in turn will make me less inclined to run away with a baguette (fortunately, there are no baguettes in the house at the moment) because upping my protein takes away some of those carby urges.

And then, if I really want to, 2) I'll have some popcorn.  Fortunately, that's a carb that doesn't seem to impact my weight one way or another.  (Chocolate?  That's another story.)

Time management - my current obsession

I don't know if this counts as management or mis-management, but I've decided to cancel my morning class on Wednesday of this week to use as an at-home work period for me. 

My feeling is, you can't ask faculty to teach a regular load of 4/4 (i.e., 4 classes a semester), expect them to keep up with administration, and do research without them taking an occasional down day to catch up. I will not drive myself insane for the sake of this job, and I will do what I need to do to take care of myself within the system in which I work.  The class I'm canceling meets twice a week, the students have an assignment due soon, and as far as I'm concerned, they'll need to put the extra time I give them by not holding class toward doing that assignment well (whether they actually use the time that way is, of course, up to them).

It's not even my own writing and research I'm catching up with (that's at the end of this weekend and the beginning of next) -- just pedestrian grading.  But hey, at last count I have 150 students this semester, not counting grad students, and grading takes up a chunk of time.

If my department doesn't like it, it can lighten my course load.  As if.

Give me an ever-lovin', mother-frickin' break

Link: Nader to Run Again - New York Times.

Mr. Nader is still blamed by many Democrats around the country for siphoning votes from Al Gore in 2000. Asked about this by Tim Russert, the host of the NBC show, he replied, “Not George Bush? Not the Democrats in Congress? Not the Democrats who voted for George Bush?,” before listing several other factors that would have led to Mr. Gore’s victory and accusing people opposed to his candidacy of “political bigotry.” But ultimately, he said, “Let’s get over it and try to have a diverse, multiple votes, multiple choice ballot like they do in Europe.”

He ruled out the possibility that he would prevent a Democratic victory in 2008.

“Not a chance,” he said. “If the Democrats can’t landslide the Republicans this year, they ought to just pack up, close down, and re-emerge in a different form.”

I agree that Americans ought to have enough creativity, gumption, and energy to enable more than a two-party system. 

And Nader has a point about the Democrats:  if we can't swing a landslide this year, something's seriously wrong with our party itself and, yes, with the two-party system.  There is, anyway, whether we pull it off or not.

But Jesus H. Christ, I wish he'd stick to consumer advocacy. He was good at that.

Time management - revisited

Let's just say that my earnest plans to be as productive as possible this weekend derailed from the track I'd mapped out in one of my posts the moment that I woke up this morning and saw that it was already 9:07 a.m.

My husband and I had made plans to check out plasma TVs today and a stand for the approximately 50" model that he wants (we're on a quest, or at least he is). He's deeply into the whole project, and I'd promised to provide my input, so I didn't want to cancel.

Suffice to say that it's now well past 4 p.m., and I'm only now sitting down to work.

However, let me note two things: 1) instead of telling myself, "That's it, you blew it! You're an irresponsible piece of shit, and now there's no use in even trying to be productive today," I'm rearranging and readjusting my original work plan.  I can still get a few of the smaller tasks on my list done today and shuffle things around a bit for tomorrow.

And that's okay.  And I'm still taking off tonight in the name of my sanity.

2) We did find a TV stand that we can both live with (pictured, left).  It was reasonably priced, it doesn't announce itself as a gigantic altar to electronic entertainment  (let's face it, the TV itself is going to do that -- which my chief reason for feeling a bit ambivalent about upgrading), and I paid for it as the first step toward acquiring the new technology (well, the new TV has to have a place to sit before we bring it into the house, after all).

Frankly, I'd rather not have my electronics on display (why don't they make armoires for these new-age TVs? ... or maybe they do, and we're just not looking in the right place).  On the other hand,  ultimately I think that, together, the new TV (as yet unpurchased) and the new stand will look reasonable together and not overwhelm the room, which is large. Our current TV is sitting on the new stand now, and I must confess that it's nice to have the cords stowed out of sight and the accompanying equipment stowed in areas designed to house them.

(Makes it harder for the four kitties to find and chew through the wires, dontcha know.)

For D

My friend D, with whom I'm going to Alaska in May, had some nasty dental work done yesterday, and so I arranged for a bouquet (pictured, left) to be delivered to him today.

Normally I'd pick something a tad more classic, elegant, and, er, less juvenile, but I wanted to cheer him up with something different.

With the bouquet I sent a note congratulating him for moving forward with a dental treatment that I know he was dreading but that I think will turn over a fresh page for him, and I also promised him a celebratory drink on the high seas come May in honor of that choice.

Hopefully he'll forgive the dippiness of the bouquet's theme and like its message.

Your mileage may vary

Update on my friend G:  I know only that she was well enough to leave the hospital on Tuesday and that she did not have to have surgery to repair anything -- at least not yet. 

The week that she spent in the hospital was one in which they ran many tests and pumped her full of vitamins to replenish her sorely depleted system, but as of Monday afternoon, the results of those tests were inconclusive.

That's the thing.  There are not always immediate or even eventual medical explanations for why or what goes wrong with someone.  There are descriptions, yes, but doctors don't always know why something is happening.

That's what G's life has been like since having the DS. Mine? No.  Hers? Yes.  As the ads say, your mileage may vary.