Two data points

Getting to altogether new lows in weight can be scary, I think -- I mean, it's great for someone who's been morbidly obese for the vast majority of her life, but it felt like such unfamiliar territory that I found it unsettling. I think my lowest weight on this WLS journey (for a nano-second only, mind you) was 152-point-something. I stared at that number on the scale as if it were an alien from Mars and felt simultaneously elated and frightened.

Now, of course, I'm in the low 160s (i.e., a few pounds above my stated goal of 159), and I'm just trying to feel my way with that. There's often a well-known "bounce" of up to 20 pounds that happens with my form of weight-loss surgery after initial weight loss and the equally initial period of stabilization (I suppose the actual amount depends on one's basic size and other variables).

Is my current gain part of that? Or not? Is it avoidable? Is the gain okay with me? Is this amount okay, but more would not be? I've lost the hysteria I'd feel when the scale showed 159+.  Is that a Good Thing (in that I'm OCD) or a Bad Thing (in that my OCD kept me in check) -- or, simply Is It, without any kind of value judgment attached?

(How very Zen of me.  How extremely unlikely and unconvincing of me.  I haven't a clue, really, how I'm feeling about this as I write this morning.) Right now I'm simply asking myself where I'm at with the gain (but also obsessing about how I can be more or less newly in a size small in some tops, despite a gain of several pounds?!)

Best not to get too obsessed with numbers, I guess, is one message I need to focus on. The scale is one data point, clothing sizes are variable (notoriously so for women, according to era, fashion, maker) and another set of data points, and then there's fitness (poor), labs (um, gulp -- still need to do those!), and probably others as well.

As with everything else since my DS surgery in December 2005, I'm going to have to feel my way through this phase to see where I'm at and how I feel in my head, my body, and my clothes. I hate that.  I'm a control freak, and I like to  How I Feel and What I Should Do About It.

Whatever "it" is.

Comments

[*S*]

Yeah, that kind of weirds me out, too. I have no idea how low my body intends to go. I just know that I'll try to keep the golden rules of protein first and always, enough vitamins and sleep and moderate carbs and see where this ends up. I've had the same experience with sizes as well, more in the upper body than lower.

*S*