Blog smack

Today is one of those days when I'm convinced that the very act of blogging is just incredibly narcissistic. (I realize that doesn't say anything good about me -- the irony is not lost on me, thanks.) And the more specifically narcissistic a particular blogger is, the more blind and self-deluded he or she is. Despite protestations to the contrary.

Maybe I'll take a vow of silence or go back to conventional journal-keeping.

The thing is, I feel guilty for reading blogs by folks I don't care for because I feel as if I should  Be a Nicer Person. I feel as if it's somehow hypocritical for me to be reading the blogs of anyone I don't like. (And if you're reading this, and you know I read your blog, and we maintain a relationship of any kind, on or offline, don't freak out because, no, I'm not talking about you!)

Why, then, do I feel guilty? The people in question aren't any with whom I pretend to have any relationship whatsoever. Our paths may have crossed, virtually or actually, as I once read their blogs in the pursuit of further knowledge about WLS generally or the DS specifically, but they aren't friends or even acquaintances in the present. They aren't people with whom I maintain any kind of relationship, on or offline, on the phone or in email. It was  only after reading them for over time that I realized they were Big Scary Trainwrecks and ran in the opposite direction. Except by that point I was hooked on the Trauma-Drama dynamics of their blogs, like an addict on heroin and so, in fact, I kept coming back for more virtual hits of the blog smack.

Well, but it's not nice to gawk at scenes of carnage, even when that carnage is emotional or psychological (maybe especially when it's that kind). God knows my psyche has been spread out over the asphalt at earlier times in my life, and it wasn't pretty. I should be that much more compassionate, less judgmental, and more tolerant as a result of my own experience of such damage, right?

And I'm not.  Why not? Is it really that I'm just kind of an awful bitch?  Is it just that it's petty Schadenfreude that's my problem? 

NOUN:

Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.

---

  ETYMOLOGY:
German :  Schaden, damage (from Middle High German schade, from Old High German scado) +  Freude, joy (from Middle High German vreude, from Old High German frewida, from  fr, happy)

When I can tear myself away from my own self-flagellation around this issue, however (and yes, my sense of guilt is quite real), ultimately I figure that no, that's not it. I'm a reasonably empathetic person, and I don't take delight in the misery of others. Not usually.  Not for no reason, anyway (okay, there went my chance at a golden halo).

But I am allergic to Drama Queens (male or female) because when they're the genuine article, they tend to be those schitzy types who construct and perpetuate a sense of victim-hood and heroism around themselves and to alternate between those two poles.  They engage in tactics of revelation and secrecy to heighten the drama, hook the people around them or their readers, and to keep them coming back for more because they themselves are addicted to the attention. They need people in their orbit -- actual or virtual -- to feel enthralled in order to feel as if they exist. And furthermore, they would protest that this is so.

That's it -- that's what I don't like.  The sense of manipulation I feel from such people.

Yes, I know I'm particularly antipathetic to manipulation because I was the daughter of a master-manipulator who spun a web of fascination of a sort, and later in life I was also the close friend of a female friend who did much the same thing. Eventually I got really, really sick of participating in such dramas, even as an observer, however, and now I try hard to steer clear whenever I have the power to do so.

It's not that these kinds of people have no positive qualities. Quite the contrary -- they can be very attractive, dynamic individuals. But they're toxic -- to themselves, certainly, and often to others. And they'll do whatever they can, spin whatever narrative they need to, in order to avoid confronting their own toxicity and narcissism.

While I pretty successfully avoid Drama Queens and manipulators in real life now, I'm still susceptible to them in their virtual, blogging forms. That's evidence that I'm not as free of my own tendency to engage as I'd like to think of myself as being.  Worst of all, in giving these folks attention, one is complicit, a reluctant Drama Queen-by-proxy.

And that's a really disgusting thought, I have to say.

Comments

[anon]

I don't mean to be coy, but I have to say that I think I know exactly the blogger to whom you refer, and I am in the same boat as you. That is, I am not generally a mean person, in fact I'm empathetic, and I don't delight in the misery of others. But I cannot help but return to this blog regularly to read the latest...it's like slowing down at a car crash. But, you know, we're human. It's ok. Consider it a psychological study :)

[sparkly_jules]

I read some blogs similiar to the one you mentioned. One of the reason I read them is in hope that one day that person or persons will have an epiphany, a light will go off in their head, and suddenly they'll realize that their life is a pile of crap brought on by their own self-involved drama queenishness (is that a word? LOL). Or lacking that, get the help that they so desperately need, and climb out of the darkness. Does that make me a a hopeless optimist? Then I guess it does. I just keep hoping that they'll reach their bottom and reach out for the help. I read and wait.

And Schadenfreude, is a bit addictive. I do admit that.

Good post.

Jules

[*S*]

Sometimes I check in on a blog or two - or am at least tempted to - where I hope that things will go better, that X has figured out that the biggest threat to her success stares at her in the mirror every morning, or that Y will finally get the psychological help she so desperately needs. But, you know, it's just depressing that these otherwise bright, dynamic women either don't get it, don't want to get it or, or can't make the changes they need. I'm not talking about women who are honest about their struggle and their ups and downs - rather, the ones, as you correctly observe, thrive on the attention, the drama, the "sucked-in-ness" of the petty tragedies of their lives. You've got more patience than I do, Deluzy. I enjoyed the post.

*S*

[Deluzy]

Nope, honest presentation and recording of life's ups and downs actually fills me with admiration, and I write to those folks and let them know that. They inspire me with their honesty, in fact, and it's usually done in a way that's very simple, straightforward, and eloquent. Ironically, these accounts are usually filled with very little drama, with irony, and with a sense of understatement, all of which I appreciate.

What bothers *me* is the level of unacknowledged manipulation that goes on in the kinds of blogs to which I'm referring -- but that's part of a whole narcissistic disorder, I realize,. If there weren't blogs, there'd be attention-seeking in other forms, of course.

But as I say, ultimately this is about my own inability to disengage, and not the inadequacies of others. And let's face it, that's *my* problem, not theirs.